....i swear, soon i shall pick up an award for being more than "too thick skinned"... just when i felt as though the tide is calm now and i can finally pick up myself again and move ahead again...i'm being pulled by from both side again...but as i've been doing lately, i chose to remain silent again, again and again...i'm trying to act very mature and handle it all myself but im afraid i've been forced to grow up way too fast all of a sudden...

...i read somewhere once, that silence hurts more...i believe im experiencing it now. I'm afraid that it hurts way too much that i cant feel myself again...i tried to hurt myself just to feel someting,only to realise its not the physical pain,...its just the pain, the PAIN!!!

...my slow life!...

....got maximum sun tanning at kanchi chyama ko ghar ma(YEAHHH!!!) ...when i went to didi hse, my chora was still in sch so spent the entire afternoon in chyama's place..and of course all i did was eat all the junk stuff and talked in ALIEN language with my youngest bhai..ahaha!! oh yea..siano ba told me he'll get me sarakhanda soon..cause i cant find them anywhere and since siano ba is a fan of them too, he says he'll get them for me,...COOKED!!! ehehehehe!! i dont noe wether my sweet tooth is gonna be with me for life..but if it is..it doesn't matter at all cause ateast i'll have sth to discuss abt with siano ba..ahaha SWEET FOODS! ahahaha...

...my future...

I'm sorry...but i just need to find myself again

..disapproved..

...Damn! im so freaking pissed! nothing is going as planned...NOTHING! i wonder why dad's being so naggy! and its even worse that he's hanging ard the house all the time..giving me even more pressure!!! shld have just failed my O's and things would be MUCH quieter now(bet it will!)...I REFUSE to study any tuition...I REFUSE to enter to any science stream & certainly I REFUSE to drop the idea of dropping mathematics even though im entering the management stream...WELL now..it sounds as though i refuses to do everything that my dad wans..doesn't it? YEAH and it sucks!!! dad may just end up taking my future i may never know, my tomorrow and the plans i painstakingly made and dreamt of...and even though i know i am lucky to have a dad who gives so much thought to his daughter's future...i hope it's not too selfish to ask for a bit more and a bit more freedom....now im playing with the thoughts of just accept his idea of me going to austrailia and just study what ever he wants me too!!...i am so tired of making plans that would never see the light of the day anyway!